Crimes at the theatre

The array of red seats seemed to welcome me with open arms,

When the women beside me took my handrests, I could hear the cacophony of my mental alarms.

I wandered off with the scent of the fresh popcorn on my lap,

Until my sister couldn’t keep her hands off it and nearly got a slap.

Oh! How I hate it when she puts her drink in my cupholder,

Just the thought of it makes me want to scold her.

And what if someone drinks from the wrong cup,

It wouldn’t still be all sunny side up.

And only god can save you if you didn’t put your phone on silent,

Because some people are all set to get violent.

You would be the joke of the century if your phone rang,

And ‘kiska baja’ someone sang.

Don’t go snooping around to find treasure there,

Because popcorn wrinkled like an old lady’s face is all you’ll find in your chair.

The biggest crime you could commit would be,

If you kicked the person in front of you mid-movie.

But never walk past anyone once the movie has started,

The consequence and shame would be even worse than when you loudly farted.

Follow these tips if you want to live long enough to still hear the phrase ‘ja simran ja’,

The whole point of this poem is to warn you that zindagi na milegi dobara.

Please note that no animals were harmed during the making of this poem so laugh away,

And whenever the tobacco ad comes, we seem to hide our face and pray.

In this world, crimes and sins are constantly committed (no intended puns),

But the crimes at the theatre are the worst ones!